9/15/19 – Packing

K –

I started packing today. I made lists and checked my itinerary and updated my list again. But no matter what I did, I felt like I was still missing something I need.

Of course, I realized pretty quickly that something was you. I can’t text you to find out what’s on your packing list or ask you if you think we’ll want to go out to any fancy dinners. Will I need a jacket? A nice dress? What will we feel like doing in our free time?

This trip is such a mix of emotion. I’m so excited but also nervous it will cause me to fall so far back down the black hole of grief. I’m not sorry I’m going. It’s the thing I want to do. I just still so want the circumstances of everything to be different. But I remind myself of that line from that movie only we liked, Bounce –

‘You don’t have that choice, Abby. You have other choices.’

So, I’m trying to make the best of this choice without you. And actually, remind myself often of a better line from that movie –

‘It’s not brave if you aren’t scared.’

I don’t know if I’m scared but I’ll still try to be brave. Alright, this is a long postcard. Back to packing. I’ll look for you in Italy. I hope you’ll try to find me there too.

Love, B