Last night, I dreamt I was at BU. I was in the library and stuck climbing up an interminable set of stairs lined with thousands and thousands of old books. I never seemed to make any progress but I was determined to keep going up and up and up.
Every few steps, I’d run into someone who works there and they’d ask me what I was doing. It confused me. I was there to visit you, of course. I just needed to find your desk. Did they know where it was? Could they show me where to go? They just shook their heads and kept walking down, away from me.
Nothing else happened. I just kept climbing and climbing until I woke up..
Before I went to bed last night, I was doing laps of my second floor because that’s the world we live in now. I guess I got up some good speed and at one point I smacked my arm right into the corner of the top of the bannister.
Oh, I live in a house now. Isn’t that weird? And scary? I like it when I’m not thinking about how vulnerable a person is when living in a house. Ugh. I know you get it.
Anyway, I hit it so hard, it made me scream. Almost immediately a giant bruise started to form. When I got in bed later and examined it further, I worried I would get a clot and die in the morning, like you did. Is that what happened? Did you hit something in your apartment the night before? And scream? And had no idea what would happen as a result?
I’m sure that’s why I was looking for you in my dreams. Hoping to find you so you could tell me all about it and guide me through. Of course, I’m fine now because I’m writing to you about it almost 24 hours later. But these are the things I can’t help imagining. Just one of the many ways I have PTSD from all that’s happened.
In happier news, this caused me to track down the last (and only?) photo of us at BU. I know you know which one – with our dear friend Candy Spelling! It made me happy to see it again, especially when I recalled I wore a Target shirt to meet her. She would be appalled, I’m sure!
That was a fun night. We had lots of those.
Tomorrow is your birthday and the world is crazy right now. You wouldn’t believe me if I even began to tell you. Honestly. We’re all stuck at home because of this pandemic. I wonder how you’d be celebrating your day at home.
Also, I’m annoyed you’re not here to keep me company and text with me all day long during this craziness. Do something about that please.
I learned about an embroidery class at Lingua Franca last week. I do not need another expensive sweater from there but I’m bored and trying to help small businesses so I signed up. Turns out, it’s on your birthday.
Now I know why I had been compelled to take the class. I think this is what we would be doing for your birthday if you were still here. Maybe I’d even give the class to you as your gift. We’d have so much fun. I’m sure we’d already have spent hours discussing what we would stitch on our sweaters.
I think I’m going with ‘It was all a dream.’ Partly because I still sometimes hope that’s true and this has all been a dream. Partly because it reminds me of Dallas and Bobby Ewing. I mean, also because Biggie. But that reason is obvious.
I just realized I started this telling you about a dream. I didn’t put it together that my sweater was also about dreams. Well, I guess that settles it. That’s what I’m doing. Plus, dreams are often better than the real thing, aren’t they?
I guess I should get back to doing nothing on my couch. Maybe tonight we could visit at BU again? Candy won’t be there but I don’t think we’d miss her too much this time around.
Happy birthday! ā¤
Love, B
PS – I had a Cadbury Creme Egg for dessert tonight. I thought you should know š
Postcards to My Sister 