K –
Today was my favorite day so far – Tuscan cooking class! You would have loved it so much. Mom too. I know I did.
First, we went to the San Lorenzo market to buy the ingredients for our lunch. We stopped at a different stand for bread, veggies, meat and cheese. At each stand, one of the chefs explained to us how to shop for those items. I don’t know how I’m going to go back to shopping at the Harris Teeter now.
Then we took a short bus ride to the estate where we spent the day cooking and learning. The bruschetta and the fresh pasta were the two things I most want to make sure I do myself at home. They were so easy and so much more delicious than when I’ve done those things in the past.
After we finished preparing everything, we sat at 3 long tables overlooking the countryside and ate our meal together. I met so many nice people today but the one who touched me most was a girl named Chantelle. She was there for her 30th birthday with her mom and brother (they’re from NH!) and I sat with them for lunch. She was really friendly and asked me a bunch of questions about why I was here and why I came alone.
I haven’t told people here the whole story of why I’m here by myself. I don’t know why. I think I don’t want them to look at me with pity or feel badly for me or something. I also guess I want this trip to be as much like it would be if you were here and telling people you’re not makes that harder.
Anyway, it was thunder storming as we talked and as soon as I told her we were supposed to do this trip together but I decided to still do it myself, she raised her glass and said, ‘I think she’s watching down and it’s raining because she’s crying she’s not here with you.’
It was so nice. The whole table joined her and we raised our glasses to you. I hope you felt that energy somehow.
Then we all came back to the city and went our separate ways. But as I was getting myself together to walk to my hotel, Chantelle came up to me and gave me a big hug, wishing me a great trip and reassuring me you are definitely here with me.
I’m so grateful to her for asking the question that led me to tell her and for everything she did and said after. I haven’t spent a lot of time letting myself be sad here and I think that might be a disservice to you and me both.
I am sad. This isn’t the trip it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be wandering around together and I was supposed to get mad at you for only wanting to be inside museums and you’d get mad at me for wanting to do non-museum things and it would be great.
I remind myself that taking that trip is not a choice I had. But I did get to choose this trip. Maybe that’s why I haven’t let myself get too sad. This was a choice and I want it to be a happy choice. I don’t want to carry all that weight all over Italy. Still, a little sadness might be ok. Tonight, I think I’ll let it in for a while. Just a little bit.
-B
Postcards to My Sister 